If you are a trailing spouse or partner (following someone to another city or country their new job or re-assignment), then you know how challenging it can be. A life partnership is also an economic partnership, and you may be happy to support your partner to advance their career, but the transition can be intense.
Relocations create unique opportunities for demonstrating resilience and embracing reinvention… Julia Child mastered the art of French cooking… Ruth Bader Ginsburg notoriously fought systemic gender discrimination and earned a seat on the U.S. Supreme Court… Michelle Obama became the world’s most admired woman.
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Finding a new job is just one task on your trailing spouse to-do list
Notice how finding a job often falls to the bottom of your list:
- Clear out your old home (and wonder how you accumulated so much stuff!).
- Research neighborhoods (and possibly school districts) in an area you know little about.
- Start looking for a new home in your new location.
- Plan the logistics of moving your life perhaps across the country or the world.
- Find a new job. Unless you can find a similar role with your current company, or work remotely, you’ll need to start from scratch and find a new job. Without a local network, it can be very challenging.
Your career may take a back seat for a while
Navigating these practical tasks during a period of significant personal challenges may test your resilience:
- There can be stresses to your family caused by the move itself and acclimating to a new location. The comfort of knowing your local area inside and out is gone, and now you need GPS to get anywhere. It just feels strange.
- You may take a career break to help get acclimated to your new location, which can create career concerns (“what will potential employers say when I haven’t worked for a year?”)
- You may have a loss of identity from leaving your workplace. Many workplaces have a strong culture that promotes a sense of belonging, and you no longer belong.
- You may be grieving the loss of connections to family and friends that you can no longer see in person.
- Your family may depend on you much more, especially for help to process their own stress.
A career coach with deep experience in relocation and reinvention can help
My story as a trailing spouse (or for a more 21st-century term, a relocating partner) spans 7 different moves, and each one involved reinvention. Michigan ➢ Hawaii ➢ New York ➢ Connecticut ➢ Texas ➢ New Jersey ➢ Chicago ➢ Oregon. All moves to support a partner in career changes. Just looking at that list makes me tired but also grateful.
Read more about my background here to see if I might be a good fit to work with you.
Relocation adjustment tips I learned along the way
Don’t underestimate the impact of a relocation.
Even before I had kids the process of acclimation and reinvention as a trailing spouse was significant. Don’t expect things to go smoothly, or to acclimate quickly. Adjusting takes time, and I would say it took an average of six months to feel kind of comfortable, and two years to feel at home.
Don’t be afraid to grieve for your career and other things you are moving away from.
When moving from the excitement of New York City to the deep woods of Connecticut at age 28, there were some tears. But in time I met new people and learned to love my new home. A new job helped a lot. If I had tried to pretend everything was OK from the get-go, it would have been worse.
Try to reframe your relocation as an adventure.
Granted, this one is tough. I knew little about most of the places I moved, but each was unique, and I am a different and better person for having lived in them.
Consider taking a break before you dive into a job search.
I gave myself a bit of space after each move to get adjusted and make some social connections before actively looking for my next gig. I was in a better place to search after a few months, with more confidence and connections.
The power of the network is real.
I made many of these moves before the advent of LinkedIn. Boy, would that have made my job easier! I did use every other trick in the networking book. I got a connection from someone I met on the playground that became my next job, and that job led to another one in my next location.
Even an introvert can successfully network and create connections.
My need to make friends and find work overcame my natural shyness, and I found groups like Newcomers to join (and then lead). When that didn’t work, I created my own Meetup groups to do the same.
You and your partner are in this career transition together.
Be sure to over-communicate as they may be so wrapped up in stress from a new job that your own issues go unnoticed.
Get job search and adjustment help from everyone.
Your partner’s company may have relocation assistance available. If you are negotiating a job offer, be sure to ask for it. If you have already moved, there may still be help available. Even if no formal relocation assistance was included, many companies have Employee Assistance Programs that include counseling, and they may be able to refer you to a career counselor that is covered by this benefit.
Job search tips when you are a trailing spouse or partner
Resume Tips
- Update your location to your new location. No one needs a street address on a resume anymore.
- Update your Experience with your current job and quantify your achievements while they are still fresh in your mind.
Linkedin Tips
- Change your location on your LinkedIn Profile, and post about your upcoming move, asking for ideas of people and companies to contact.
- Use the Alumni Search Tool to find fellow alumni who live in your new location. This is a goldmine if you haven’t tried it before.
- Search for connections at your spouse/partner’s new company and connect with them. Always add a note explaining your reason for connecting.
- Review your About section and consider including something about your upcoming move and your career goals – have they changed based on this move?
Facebook Tips
- Facebook and Instagram are being used more by recruiters these days and you can use them for your job search too.
- Update your profiles and delete anything that makes you look bad. You don’t have to make them “professional,” you just want the information that’s publicly available to help you, not harm you.
- Join Facebook groups that have a local focus, even if unrelated to your career.
Other Networking Tips
- Search to see if there is a Newcomers Club or Expat Group in your new location. You will meet other trailing spouses or relocated partners who can provide moral and professional support.
- Google “networking groups” or “job clubs” + [your new location]. A new group can help with accountability, acclimation to your new location, and also social and professional support.
- Search for Meetup groups (or the equivalent in your location), both related to professional interests and just for fun.
- Find local chapters of professional groups related to your career goals.
Consider getting help from a career coach who has walked in your shoes
You may have gotten funding to help with your relocation job search from your partner’s new company – use it! This may also be an opportune time to use a coach to consider a career transition.
Unlike a relocation coach who focuses more on the practical concerns of helping you to get established in your new location, a career coach can help with getting your professional life back on track when you are a trailing spouse. You may have limitations like work authorization, or bandwidth issues given the many stresses of a big move, but I can help you work through those challenges.